I think sometimes I find myself in a mental space that I never planned on going. I suddenly see myself in an almost outer body experience, I get a tight grasp on the thoughts that are spinning themselves seemingly without my permission, the ones that have finally grown to a size that beg for me to take notice... "Damn, why am I here again?"
I've been in a place where I can't seem to find balance between being easy enough on myself not to hurt, but hard enough on myself to grow and get things accomplished. I've had to hold out a hand to myself time and time again this month and offer balance as I tip toe and hop one stone at a time. "Take my hand, you can do this. I won't let you fall."
I'm overwhelmed, I'm underwhelmed. I'm lost, I'm found. I know we all ride these waves. I know we all have a hard time steering sometimes... but shit, sometimes I wonder how it hasn't ended yet. Exactly how long is this ride?
And so I had to let myself escape. I needed to be myself, in a place that I love, with the person I love, and I needed to leave the rest of my questions for time to answer. I needed to forget the tangled webs, I needed to forget the other voices, the outside influences, I needed solitude.
I needed time to reflect. I needed time to heal with only the sound of the most natural things around me. I needed to laugh. I needed the baptism of that freezing cold water.
And I needed to smile... because life really isn't quite as hard, or complicated, or rough or important!) as we make it out to be. I'm not sure many people know that. I wish more people knew that.
And so I did just that.
And we took time to focus on just living. On spending a day without any other worries. On having lunch on a rock in the middle of the creek down in the gorge and being simple, and happy, and humble.
And it was exactly what we needed.