I've been trying to turn my leaves. To redirect myself to the light that helps me to grow. To cover my ears and eyes from the negative things and people that seem like bad tenacious weeds in the face of a positive life.
I've been needing something more. (I feel like that's something that I've been talking about for years). I've been taking baby steps towards changes when I should have been taking leaps. I've been afraid. There are moments of incredible joy and moments where I want to throw in the towel. Owning your own business is a hard thing to do, no one can deny that... staying motivated, taking care of yourself, getting the work done well, feeling creative, moving sore thumbs, doing paperwork, doing TAXES... add in negative people? I seriously can't deal with it.
So I've turned to pottery, to sculpture, to welding, to meditation.
And I really can't say this enough: They have all been magical medicine. Art is magical medicine. Putting yourself in a creative box and not letting anyone else in (for as long as you may need it) is magical medicine. Not asking the opinion of others is magical medicine. Taking care of yourself is freaking magical medicine.
I've been getting lost in a handful of projects. A sculptural series. Huge, HUGE 14 foot steel dress forms for a public art project for a festival, ceramic planters, metal workshops, working the gallery myself and a few ladies have started, working on larger, more intricate metalsmithing projects... I've needed it. I've needed to change my focus.
And at the end of the day, I leave feeling fulfilled, dirty, sweaty, strong... empowered.
I've found a passion for new mediums and new ideas. I know I have deep holes to fill. I know the loss of the past few years has broken me into tiny bits that take time and love to repair. And I hope others take the time to care for themselves the way that they need it. The way that will fill their empty spaces or the spaces that others have ripped away from them. And I also know that at the end of the day, we all need to stop taking ourselves too seriously. And stop living by the internet. Life's too short to not laugh every single day. So get after it.